Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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