And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
