Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
