why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
