you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
