So drunk its hurt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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