I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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