When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
