3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
