Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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