shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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