I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
