he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
