It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
