I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
