my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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