So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
