I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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