What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My dick has a subreddit
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
