overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
