This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
