Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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