"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
