jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
