He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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