I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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