I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
