I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm gonna have a badass scar
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
