Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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