She is in my trunk
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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