Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
