Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
