dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
