I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
