those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
