I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
