I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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