Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
