We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
handjob tips. give me some.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
