At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
