Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
