fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
