So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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