Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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