Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
