How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
