I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
