I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
