see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
