Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
