he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
