So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
